Finding the Right Fit
Therapy is ultimately an investment in your most vital possession, your most precious resource: your own life. So, finding the right fit in a therapist is both important and can take some time. Try not to be discouraged if you have to meet with multiple therapists for a first meeting before you eventually find a good fit.
But how do you find the right fit in a therapist in the first place? First, make sure you work with a licensed therapist. Their qualifications will be listed on their website or profile. See if someone you trust can give you a recommendation: a close friend or family member, your primary care physician, a clergy member, or a social worker at your university or your child’s school may all have a good recommendation to share.
Once you get your recommendations in hand, set up a first session. Many therapists offer free consultations (which are typically 15-30 minutes) to give you a low-stress way to get to know them and their style. Before your session, think about what’s important or helpful to you. Are you interested in a therapist who asks more questions, or really gives you more space to explore by punctuating the session with a few powerful questions? Do you need someone who shares your identities? If so, which identity or identities would be most helpful to share? (Unfortunately, it can be difficult to find someone who shares a handful of identities, so be prepared for your search to take longer the more identities you’re looking to share with a therapist.) Do you want someone who brings a sense of humor to sessions, or someone who is more serious?
Once you’re sitting in the room with them (or working virtually), focus on the sense of connection you feel with them. Do you feel listened to? Do you feel like they “get” what you’re saying? Sometimes, it’s just an issue of chemistry. A wonderful therapist and a wonderful patient, sometimes, just aren’t a good match for each other, but not because of any shortcomings on either party’s part. It can take a few sessions before you get a sense. If you have any concerns about the match, this is a great opportunity to get some data. Bringing your concerns to a therapist can be a great way to develop a powerful sense of comfort and safety with them: if you bring up your concern, and they listen well, validate your concerns, are open to thinking about your needs, you may leave the conversation knowing you want to work with them. On the other hand, if you feel no feeling listened to, you may have a sense that you want to start interviewing another therapist.
The main question when trying to find a new therapist is: can I imagine maybe opening up to this person? If you can, give them a shot for a month or so. And remember: a good fit can support you, ask powerful questions, witness your work and change. But, the work itself is up to you.